December 9, 2018
I want one thing - to be with You
Let us love Christ. Let Him be our only hope and care. Let us love Christ only for Him; never for ourselves. Let Him put us wherever He wants. Let Him give us whatever He wants. We should not love Him for His gifts. It is egotistical to say: “I want Christ to put me in a beautiful place”. It is more correct to say: “My Christ, whatever Your love wants; as long as I live in your love.
Poor me, what can I say,…. I am very weak. I have not managed to love Christ very much, to have my soul desire Him. I feel that I am very behind [in doing so]. This is how I feel. I have not gotten to where I want to be; I do not live this love. But I do not dismay. I trust in the love of God. I tell Christ: “I know that I am not worthy. Send me wherever Your love wants. This is what I desire, this is what I want. I always worshiped you in my life.”
When I was gravely ill and about to leave for the heavens, I did not want to think of my sins. I wanted to think about the love of my Lord, my Christ, and about eternal life. I did not want to have fear. I wanted to go to the Lord thinking of His goodness, of His love. And now that I am approaching the end of my life, I have no anxiety or agony; my thoughts are that I will present myself to the Lord at the Second Coming and Christ will tell me: “My fellow, how can you come in here without the proper wedding garment?” I will lower my head and say: “Whatever You want my Lord, whatever Your love wants. I know that I am not worthy. Send me wherever Your love wants. I am worth of hell. It is enough that I be with you, even if You put me in hell. I want one thing. One thing I ask: that I be with you wherever and however you want.
St. Porphyrios of Kafsokalivia